margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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