TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
