Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
