Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
