well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
