An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
