When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
