If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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