There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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