Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
