he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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