hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
