So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
