He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
