Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
