Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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