I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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