i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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