Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
