As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
