and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
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We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
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Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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