I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
