i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
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you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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