You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
