just tell him i said nine months
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
