Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
