Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
