all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
