Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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