I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
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