Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They took my balls.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
