Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's blow job season.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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