There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
