Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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