Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
