Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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