i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
