loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
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I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
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We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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