Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
