Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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