based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
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Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
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you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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