dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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