my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
tell me about the eggs
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
