ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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