i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
