And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
