I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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