my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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