why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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