Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
