I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
