I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
