i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I didn't notice because vodka
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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