I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i think i just lost a toe
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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