My room smells like vodka and shame
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
