This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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