Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
