Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
