I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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