Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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