How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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