Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
