I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
