I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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