New invention idea: vibrating tampons
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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