so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
