Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
