This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
