she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
