is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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