I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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