just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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